This is what I just realized. I haven't allowed myself to love myself. In fact, deep down I've always feared myself because of what people said about my crazy and energized personality. I completely shut down after that. But to the people who really saw into me and saw that there was inkling of something worth appreciating, I thank you. I thank you for believing in me, holding onto me even when you were about to give up. You are truly my friend.
I feel like I just woke up from a dream. Although I haven't seen Inception, I know that the movie is about dreams within dreams within dreams and you never know in which reality you're actually living in. To me, I feel like I truly woke up from my last dream. In the past, I've written many times that I feel like I was just "awoken" whether it was in response to a sermon, an experience, or anything else, but truly this time, I can point my finger to a timeline in my past and say that it was THIS time that I fell asleep and and it NOW that I wake up. As soon as I gave up being myself, life was not life. As soon as I began believing the lies Satan told me, that I was ugly and that everything about me was despicable, I fell asleep and became lifeless. I hope that this does not happen to other people. I hope that people will have faith in themselves, knowing that EXACTLY who they are is EXACTLY how God intended them be. I have time to recover from my sleep, like I have to build more confidence up from here, but I'm glad I woke up. I feel like I've regained control of my body and that I can treat it nice now, and really really truly take care of myself. So thank you to those who stuck through it with me - whatever "it" is.
Happy Chinese New Years! and I hope that you continue to believe in yourself with more confidence. You're special and you're awesome! In all sincerity.
Stephanie
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