O ^ O'

Hm, I have an urge to splurge, right now.
About how another semester at Rutgers is quickly, quickly, RAPIDLY approaching. On one hand, I'm excited; on the other, I am worried.

Unique - Like the Plants

My family went on a short road trip last week. We took a ferry to Delaware and drove up to Longwood Garden. There, God revealed His wonderful creations, all kinds of flowers, plants, and creatures. Comfort, by reassuring me that just like these vegetation humans are made individually special, was the first relief God gave me. As time progressed, throughout the entire family reunion in fact, I knew God was working in me to both redeem and restore me.

Many people likely wonder what happens to someone that makes them who they are. They notice a change in behavior, or a difference in ethics.

For me, my journey consists of constantly making sure I am honest with myself - if I am not, it will inevitably show, in others, in me, in my circumstances... One thing I have been wrestling with is this idea that Christians are one type, in that we must live by strict regulations, abide by certain laws, or continuously monitor ourselves for poor attitudes, behaviors, etc. As a kid I thought that I had to be someone I was not - I tried to modify my acts based on what I thought was good in my parents' eyes.
To a degree, their expectations for me to live with excellent morals was not bad, but I realized that trying to fit into an image was not only exhausting, but not right. It didn't feel good to separate myself from what I wanted to do, because I ended up not enjoying or living life the way God intends me to live.

Going through this process of thinking that being a rose is better than being a lily is something we can understand. Maybe because one gets more appreciation, or attention, than the other. Therefore, we assume that it is better, or higher. Walking through the Longwood Garden reassured in me that everything is made beautiful in His time, that we don't have to strive. We just have to be.

I see now how we are like flowers, as a growing woman. Right before my eyes, God adorns my heart, makes it strong, and makes it resilient. There is nothing to add, nothing to take away from - just be. 

Morning is Sweet - written by Stephanie Har

Ripple tides come in:
crash of white, sparkling storm along the shore,

the sweet moving of my head to catch the rays,
neck as a dinosaur - who is he?

Waking Up - written by Stephanie Har

Waking Up,
Sucking the poison out of my blood,
Arising... slowly,

My mission is complete,
the whole world can rest,
Let the lady twirl,

Sprinkle some water,
My veil brushes past my face,
And I look back,

Eyes wide open,
Yawning into a smile,
Feel the sun beam from you

The Lullaby - written by Stephanie Har

the owl hoots at night,
it takes time to accept everything,
i throw my fist in the air,
and the sands hop on the gravel,

oil drips on the side of the vinyl,
raindrops in a clear puddle,
serene mountains and the smell of pine,
honeycomb twisted on the honeycomb stick,

a bag of skittles opened to bits of color,
i feel the plug of a cry,
sated are my senses,
dry and shriveled like a desert twig,

when i hear the sound of music,
my heart is stimulated,
but my face is drooping,
like the wax that is melting from the tip of a flame,

"help me," i say,
only musty, sweet, and tearful memories awake,
if i give you my heart,
can you never leave me,

a plastic piano with Starbursts,
coral lipsticks and a wrinkled white face,
giving a gift is better,
because its present fragrance is still pleasing,

how lovely are the quiet things,
in life, they move gracefully and majestically,
like a beautiful woman,
mesmerizing, captivating, and breathtaking,

her treasures are more valuable than pearls,
she is a crown,
the black crow cannot break through her forcefield,
for in the grey sky is a rainbow,

let the leaves come and go,
let the colors of my heart be radiant,
a magnet for the pollens,
the dandy and the light-hearted