No animosity towards long or mid-ranged hair lengths, but I think I'm a short-above-the-shoulder kinda person. I've been debating a lot recently about whether I should cut my hair short again, and I think I've arrived to the conclusion that I should because my personality calls for it.

I think oftentimes people think image comes before person. But I'm proud to say that over the years, I've been trying to discover myself so that what I wear matches who I am, and not the other way around. I feel bad for people are are stuck in the latter. In a book called, Art & Soul, Hilary Brand and Adrienne Chaplin describe it this way: "We may not all be playing the identity game as deliberately as the material girl, but in a society as self-aware and image-conscious as our own, the question shifts easily from 'Who am I?' to 'What image shall I adopt today?' Instead of maturing unselfconsciously, rooted in a family and community that knows and accepts us as we are, we have unprecedented freedom to choose how we would like to be seen - freedom that can also be a burden. We have to keep up the image, to play out the role we've set ourselves, to work at it at all costs. And even though we may convince others, the problem is that we may not convince ourselves. We are in danger, not of creating an identity, but losing one." I was blown away by how articulate that explanation was about today's society. No doubt, I've been through these pipes of trying to figure out what my identity is in the commercial world, strutting through the mall and trying to figure out which mannequin in the display window I am. But I never reach a consensus because each outfit is too cookie-cutter on a girl. It didn't dawn upon me until I attended RISD Pre-College, somehow in the midst of art students who naturally break down the barriers of society, that I didn't have to choose any of the mannequins in the display window. I realized that each person is unique in themselves and fashion, clothing as a matter, was just another medium in expressing that self to the world! Big kudos to those art classmates who opened up a world of self-expression and not culture-impositions.

There's definitely a lot more to say about fashion. In high school, I always thought that I dressed down, you know in casual sweatshirts and jeans, because a part of me didn't want to attract attention and a part of me wanted to remain humble. And this could easily go into the "don't be afraid to be a woman" conversation, but that's why "Captivating" was written. Now that I look back at my high school years, I realize that my generic way of dressing was merely my state of neutrality in the midst of searching for a personal voice. It didn't mean that I didn't know my morals or values. In fact, it proved that I wanted to stay true to myself.

Today, I've found my voice at MICA and after actually reading "Captivating," I've somewhat uncovered the feminine side of me. Not to mention, after facing my past and re-examining my childhood, my personality has resurfaced for the better. This whole process of God peeling away at me after years of burying myself in poisonous thoughts and soils of lies is quite a human experience. I imagine myself to be a blossoming (pink) rose bud, God being my sunlight and water. It's a beautiful sight, but God's still working on my wounds, still mending and healing me as a whole. I guess it's to say that nothing's as glorious as restoration.

Somewhere along the lines of inward-out expression, comes along my friend at MICA, Yuris, who's been waiting for me to articulate my reasoning behind me not putting make-up on until now. I've been dollified a few times in the past for weddings, be me a flower girl or a bridesmaid, but wearing make-up on a day-to-day basis? I thought you had to reach a certain age for that... not to mention wearing nail-polish or getting one's ear's pierced - every parent has an age threshold for those kinds of things. But I took my time - until I was comfortable with the idea that make-up enhanced someone's features, not cover them up. I said to Yuris that me wearing make-up was a sort of statement. I couldn't explain it to her at the time, but I'll try to now. Make-up should be something we girls can all live without. That, first, must be confirmed - It is not a necessity. What I mean by "statement" is my readiness to unveil a side of me that will inevitably bring attention. I am ready to be vulnerable with my womanhood and vulnerability comprising of a presupposition that it is possible for me to get hurt. I've mentally prepared myself for that. But I don't require make-up to state my readiness. That's important to remember. So it's not about attraction, but it's about a bold statement about my womanhood. Better be straight with that.

So I'm a conglomeration of a lot of things. My character is a mesh of a whole lot of Christianity and spunk and sometimes even craziness. And that's okay. God loves me for who I am, not exactly everything that I do which He seeks to correct, but He's my lover and there's no doubt He's romanced me a lot at MICA with the stars and with Coa-coa Puffs. He's awesome that way!

Haha, so I guess my shfele ends here. A kind of breathless, heart-pounding, proposition that I, Stephanie Har, have penetrated fashion and will boldly make my way to womanhood. Fearless and God-strong. Not to mention.. quuuite excited!

BTW TSA: GO INTO MODELING>>>