There is such a strong desire to be ignorant when being with someone you so intimately trusted brought you so much pain as well, and fear and love dragged this pain out into suffering. Christianity is such a turn-off because of this. What is Christianity anyways? What does it mean to believe in God? All I know is that there's this really sweet and tender voice that whispers to my heart and I cry because even if I keep wanting to run away, I know that his story is bigger than mine, and that without it, I would crumble flat, completely.

Overcome. meaning I can't just get through once. I need to get through it all up until the very end. But, I also realize that people are so comfortable feeling safely coated in the ideas of human love, humor, and pleasure. I've been trying to put myself back into the social layer where everything that reaches the sky is like an imaginary forcefield that will keep harm away from my soul. But in doing so, I gave God whatever leftovers I had from that day, sometimes even going on for three days before searching for God's presence again. His and my parents' love have been sustaining me thus far. It feels like it will never be used up.