God was always watching over her. Ever since she was born, God had his eyes on her. Through the days, He displayed to her his majesty, but she only knew of him and did not have a relationship with him. Her parents knew God very well, and visiting his home every often, she began to hear stories about him, about his great love and kindness. Over the years, she continued visiting his home. People gathered from all over to sing to him and praise him for all the good works He had done and as she would sit in the pews to sing along, God would secretly come up to her to give her a present... joy. A smile would always grow on her face because of it, and every week she visited his home, she would sing louder and louder in the pews as her love for God grew. More years passed, and as she went on with life, going to school and coming home to her family, she would talk to God from time to time, over the phone, or read his letters to her. Sometimes when God seemed far and she felt like she was alone in the world, God would secretly tell other people to surround her with love. There were times, however, when she was left all alone in her own world to face some serious problems in her life and God was not always the first person she would go to for help. But because she was afraid to ask for help from anyone else, she suffered alone for some time, even though God was always standing at the the door calling her, waiting for her to stand up and walk to him so they could go on the journey together. She found the strength to stand up in God's love for her, and as she walked towards God to go on the journey, she decided to let everyone know that they were going to be together from now on.
Chapter 2
After letting everyone know, she was immediately filled with peace and determination. On their journey together, she would walk close to God, holding his hands sometimes, other times completely leaning on him. God had a flashlight at night, and through even the darkest nights, his flashlight would never burn out; at night, she would hold on tight to his hand, never let go, and pull through till morning. On other days, she was very tired and needed to sit down and rest. But one day, she grew really tired and weary and finally asked God, "Where does this journey lead us? Why are we going on this journey in the first place?" God sat next to her. He could see she was worn out by all the walking and all the greeting of people along the sidestreets. But before God could tell her anything she fell asleep. The next morning, she woke up and decided to tell God that even though she was walking on this journey with him, she would still need to go to college. God said, "I'll go with you. I will always be there for you," and her heart was greatly comforted by his words.
Chapter 3
At college, she would always talk to God, think about God when he was away at work, and spend time with him alone in in her room. She met new people who also heard about God, although some did not believe he existed, some did not think that his works were good, but also some who knew God as he was. She finally learned how important it was for people to know God, that his story and works were good and that knowing the true him, as she knew him, was a matter of life and death. After days of meeting and greeting people, and telling some about God, she grew discouraged that her words alone could not convince them about God. She knew how she felt in God's presence, that she could call Him any time in times of trouble or lonliness, and she wanted to share that with the rest of her school. At times, she would even tell God to show himself to them and save them all from death. And she thought that God would only show himself to her, when really, only she who knew God well had the eyes to see him. After learning from God himself to grow a heart and to love people, the things she learned from her journey with God, she grew mad at God for only being with her. She had such a big heart; she knew there were countless people who still needed to know about God and she wanted to reach all of them, and yet here God was hiding behind her back as she faced the hostility of the people, around whom she had told God about, all by herself. She didn't want to keep God to herself anymore. The problem was that God was hiding and she didn't know why! Time passed before she grew bitter at God. He had introduced himself to her, spent time with her, showed his love for the people, encouraged her to expand her own heart, and when she did expand her heart, the task before her seemed impossible, because God didn't show himself easily to the world, and her heart reached to the ends of it. It left a burden on her heart, like a piece of coal nestled inside an organ irritating every task at hand. She grew bitter because the coal seemed irremovable.
Chapter 4
She took a break from God, even though there were times when she needed to call him. God answered, but his voice seemed a bit softer. Sometimes, it was even hard to hear his voice in a noisy crowd. Could she recognize his voice anymore? "Hello? Hello??" She began falling for other guys, and even though she was taking a break from God, he still became jealous. She sensed this in God's voice when he called her one night to tell her that he still loved her. She felt like a betrayer inside, because she also knew she could always go back to God whenever she wanted to. "I love you too, God, but I just can't deal with this right now." She said it to him that night and the days passed, but God's impact in her life and her love for people was too overwhelming to dismiss so she went on meekly but intentfully. Each day, she kept her eyes open and God would sneak hidden presents he knew she would come across during her day, from season to season. Fall and Winter passed and Spring arrived. She had cut her hair at home and come back to school. When she would do her hair in the morning, she always wished she had a small clip to hold her hair back. During those spring nights, she would continue to reflect and meditate on her decisions that day and concentrate on what she had to get done for school in the coming days. She was busy, but during her breaks she would pick up her guitar and sing to God even though he seemed far from her. Some weeks passed and she began to feel empty inside without God by her side. She wanted to fill it and looked towards other people to fill it.
Chapter 5
It was a Sunday morning and she reluctantly woke up to go to another one of God's estate in Baltimore because she knew deep down inside the only person who could fill her emptiness, so she headed out to greet the people who knew God as well. One of those nights in college, she felt an amazing love come over her. That morning on her way to God's estate, she was walking alone in her own thoughts. She crossed the streets, waited for cars to pass, appreciated the beautiful day, and looked at the ground as she walked. Step by step, she walked on the sandy pavement, until she walked over something dark, something very small. She only recieved a quick glance at it and had taken a few steps forward when curiosity struck her to look back at the specimen. Bending forward, she reached out her hand to pick up a leapoard-colored small hair clip. At it, her heart jumped and a small feeling of intimidation at the center of her heart radiated out into a sly smile, even though her heart began beaming. She quickly turned around, the clip preciously twiddling around in her fingers, and started to walk again with an untraceable bounce at her heals.
Chapter 6
She came home from college a different person, ever so slightly, but noticeable. Her parents had decided to go to another one of God's estate in New Jersey, because her dad had grown passionate about God's mission in the world and wanted to help him serve his purpose. Now at the estate in New Jersey, she found herself idle in the midst of a moved crowd singing to God. She wanted to blend right back in, but she couldn't. She wanted to be real and every time they would sing songs to God, she would feel unmotivated, unmoved, undevoted, deeply divided. With her heart in one direction and her mind in another direction, she couldn't whisper a word. God had left written letters to her, and for now, she would keep those.
Epilogue
Her small leapard-colored hair clip was lost. The last time she remembered it was placing it in the cup of the side door of the car. Even though she lost the gift, she decided to search God out. She wanted her questions to be answered. The silent is now deafening to her so she fills it with music. And when music tires her ears, she sits in silence, reading through books, any book that may help her answer some of her questions. Rarely does she call God by phone anymore, but somehow, she still feels connected to his heart. She cut her hair again. Secretly, she knows a new beginning has begun and that the purpose of her earlier journey was always about preparing herself on the right track. Has she gotten back up?
Written by Stephanie Har
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