When it seems as though the freshness of a new day only beckons forth visions for our future, we can easily erase our past and move on. In these past several months, I thought I was being left behind in all the adjustments that were forged through time and I felt the life around me moving forward, pressing towards the future. But in these last few days, I've come to realize that our past is never lost. In fact, our past is so deeply engrained in our present and future that we hardly notice it. Recently, I discovered how easily that portal to the past can be opened. There is a lot of hurt in that portal, I am sure for many of us. And any unreasonable anger is an easy sign that our past is right there with us.
We would like to think of our past as something more blissful than it was. We will do everything to remember the smiles and the good moments. But my reality is that my past is not simply a series of memories. My past has significantly shaped who I am as a person, including what my desires are. The ugly sheds light on some truth about myself that I am determined to face. Nothing is solved unless I do that. When something repeatedly occurs, I will notice the pattern and try to figure out what about myself is so disturbed by the act. Why am I so angry? And then I will realize...
Right now, there are many things out of my control. I am reminded, though, that I have the power to influence and that is all I will bear.
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