Summer Squirt

I recently learned the phrase, "Just going through the motions." It means doing things physically but not engaging the heart, mind, and soul - or in other words, not being present. Sometimes I feel that way, as if I'm just a fish being pulled at the end of the string by the hook of Time. I'm being dragged and I can't seem to catch up.

This summer has been a complete haze for the reason that I often focus on my growth as a person. When I'm reflecting on my growth, I get displaced from my immediate surroundings and I miss out on the physical activities that are happening at the moment. That's why when I recount the past, I can only trace emotional or spiritual memories, or more so the circumstances in which affected these aspects. By focusing on what I felt during the time or how I connected with people, I rarely record the facts of time or physical events. I know people who can recount events like so-and-so went here, and had this kind of a fruity drink, and lost his pajamas in the sand at the beach next to the guy who looked salmon-red under a rainbow umbrella, but I'm wired differently.

This summer had no beginning. It felt like a continuation of MICA except I migrated to New York (and Florida) for a jelly string of weeks. Things happened, people came and went, I ate food, and I woke up in the morning knowing it'd be lost forever in time. Actually, this past month, I struggled the most with the truth of vanity. I struggled with the idea that everything I do can be pointless. But I also picked up a lesson I never learned even though I often heard people say it: Fear the Lord. It is better to fear God than go about my own ways and end up not doing anything really permanently productive in life. Only God's plan bears fruit and I can trust that my life will not be lived in vain if I fear God by obeying him and respecting His commands.

Being stuck in this struggle made me turn to the only thing that could pull me back out of the rut. I can now say that reading the entire Bible is not an impossible task for me, neither is it something I would dread doing (thanks to Ellice, too). I read Ecclesiastes for the issue about vanity. And Song of Solomon followed, so I read that - it is by far the most romantic piece I've read (I love poetry, especially when it's written to me xp). I'm half through Revelations, and I can actually wrap my head around it. I have such a visual memory it's easy to imagine what is being described in the passage. Hopefully, I can work my way through all of the books, in no particular order, just skipping around.

Now that sophomore year is upon me, I don't know what will happen, but I certainly know what I want out of it. I am a little more prepared this time around as well. Certainly I won't satisfy all my cravings for Chinese food, but at least I'll have some noodles in stock.

Go Kingston and Mike Leung for coming to Baltimore! Without you guys, I would be less excited, haha. Dorming this year should also be better because I'm living in the Gateway! and everything should be fairly new. I'm also going to be taking classes in my major for the first time. I'll be taking Graphic Design I, Typography I, Video I, Digital Photography, Modernism and After, and Creativity and Genius - 6 classes with the potential of dropping Digital Photography if I can't manage (hopefully I can). There's a lot of room for error, so keep me in your prayers. In fact, a lot of things are up in the air, so I hope I address them well. I'll miss New York so much, and I'll miss all my fellow OCMers. Have a great year guys! <3