"Once we realize that nothing good that comes from us is not personal, but everything good from us is, then, we can start living; we understand that the Devil is pitted against God, and that we are one with Him, means that we are also attacked, so self-committed offenses are actually a violation to the true personal nature of wanting to do good to others and to be treated the same.
Friday, November 30, 2012
My Life, as the title of this blog implies
It's been crazy so far. For the most part, I don't know what to say, since it's been so out-of-the-ordinary. Yes, in fact I do feel different. But I have to say that I did feel like a part of this world at one time. I felt like the world was bigger than me and the people around me I could connect to.
But now, it's hard to find the ground on which I can stand and meet other people. It's hard to be on the same page. It's hard to see that my thinking is the same others are thinking. In an attempt to save a life, I lose it. In an effort to keep it, I lose it. Indeed it is crazy, because we think going to church, going to fellowship, and thinking about God, or even acknowleding Him makes Him real, but He's not real until we realize that we don't actually know God, that we can't fully know Him at the most. We have an idea, we know some words that characterize Him, but it's all code.
It's all a way for us to be comfortable with feeling secure. Isn't it? Well, it's a hard thing to challenge your own beliefs, but you have to, otherwise, you might really wander into the darkness or fall into the pit of doom. Seriously, in the pit, there is just darkness, clear sights of evil, and doom.
What are people working for. It beheeves me to consider that they have no idea. That they just go with the system, the flow; they comform to what everyone else is doing, because it looks stable, it seems right. But that's just the opposite of how they feel sometimes. It feels like it's not right, it feels wrong. It feels like they are lost, that they have no sense of objective, that they are being pushed around, or judged for things they didn't want in the first place. Well, I may subconciously be saying these things out loud, as a reflection of self, but I mean it. Doesn't this world feel like a repetition of old things? Don't you observe the way people behave, or how they justify their actions? It feels like a movie, it feels like a universe of clashing clones.
Somehow, we just envelop each other, or we bounce off of each other with postive and negative energy - not thinking much.
Is this sanity to you? Or is this a melting pot we are swirling in?
But now, it's hard to find the ground on which I can stand and meet other people. It's hard to be on the same page. It's hard to see that my thinking is the same others are thinking. In an attempt to save a life, I lose it. In an effort to keep it, I lose it. Indeed it is crazy, because we think going to church, going to fellowship, and thinking about God, or even acknowleding Him makes Him real, but He's not real until we realize that we don't actually know God, that we can't fully know Him at the most. We have an idea, we know some words that characterize Him, but it's all code.
It's all a way for us to be comfortable with feeling secure. Isn't it? Well, it's a hard thing to challenge your own beliefs, but you have to, otherwise, you might really wander into the darkness or fall into the pit of doom. Seriously, in the pit, there is just darkness, clear sights of evil, and doom.
What are people working for. It beheeves me to consider that they have no idea. That they just go with the system, the flow; they comform to what everyone else is doing, because it looks stable, it seems right. But that's just the opposite of how they feel sometimes. It feels like it's not right, it feels wrong. It feels like they are lost, that they have no sense of objective, that they are being pushed around, or judged for things they didn't want in the first place. Well, I may subconciously be saying these things out loud, as a reflection of self, but I mean it. Doesn't this world feel like a repetition of old things? Don't you observe the way people behave, or how they justify their actions? It feels like a movie, it feels like a universe of clashing clones.
Somehow, we just envelop each other, or we bounce off of each other with postive and negative energy - not thinking much.
Is this sanity to you? Or is this a melting pot we are swirling in?
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Testimony - Written by Stephanie Har
Again, I cry to you to implore you to believe. Weep, please mourn. You have to repent.
The kingdom of God is glory-full. Milk and honey overflow.
Glory is God's.
This is not my story, but God's love in my life.
How I am like dust, like vapor, and like a fading flower.
Those are beautiful things.
God's breath of life in my body is a beautiful thing.
How there is only one truth, only ONE, is sad.
In it, we are lost.
In it, we seek out falsehood. We believe lies.
We give into false "truths."
We give in too easily, too fondly, too blindly, and too bad.
We can't possibly know unless God shows Himself. We're too accustomed to the dark.
The light is blinding.
The kingdom of God is glory-full. Milk and honey overflow.
Glory is God's.
This is not my story, but God's love in my life.
How I am like dust, like vapor, and like a fading flower.
Those are beautiful things.
God's breath of life in my body is a beautiful thing.
How there is only one truth, only ONE, is sad.
In it, we are lost.
In it, we seek out falsehood. We believe lies.
We give into false "truths."
We give in too easily, too fondly, too blindly, and too bad.
We can't possibly know unless God shows Himself. We're too accustomed to the dark.
The light is blinding.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Capture the Audience - written by Stephanie Har
Words are never enough,
Passion's always setting the world on fire,
Jealousy - a deep poisonous puddle,
What I cannot describe, I'll say it with my heart,
There's a love out there who is God himself
I want to be more than I am,
I want to kill, because I rage in my heart,
I want more than I can take,
It's gonna be what breaks me
Capture the audience,
Fill in the void,
Living is losing,
Cry out for my help (x2)
I'm always here, bleed for me,
Take my heart, and I will heal yours
Passion's always setting the world on fire,
Jealousy - a deep poisonous puddle,
What I cannot describe, I'll say it with my heart,
There's a love out there who is God himself
I want to be more than I am,
I want to kill, because I rage in my heart,
I want more than I can take,
It's gonna be what breaks me
Capture the audience,
Fill in the void,
Living is losing,
Cry out for my help (x2)
I'm always here, bleed for me,
Take my heart, and I will heal yours
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Enduring the Fight - written by Stephanie Har
We are mighty warriors, we are we outside, we are with our light,
We are with out the might, we are without the sight of life.
We are with might, we are merely in flight, we are merely in life, we are merely in light,
we are mighty in fight, we are never in sight, we are lifters of light, we are lifters of night,
We are weavers of light, we are weavers of fight, we glisten with fight, we lighten with strength,
we strengthen with light,
We strengthen with sight, we might win this night,
We might win this fight,
We might see the light, we might see the sight, we might win the night.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Fault
If you can't find the reason to hate sin, then you're not in the place to hate God. If you realize the depths of your sins and say, "As if I chose to be a sinner," and then say, "Well, at least there is hope," then take your anger out on sin, and don't use it as an excuse to sin more. If you keep sinning, then your motive is not good, and you can't blame God for your pitfalls in life. That's the end of the explanation.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Proving You're Right
I want to know where your anger goes. Why do you fight others, in order to prove you're right? It must be pride. It must be my pride, that is sinful. That is something I need to rid myself of. "Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing." [from book "The Greatest Thing in the World," by Henry Drummond].
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing." [from book "The Greatest Thing in the World," by Henry Drummond].
Monday, October 8, 2012
The Forrest We Weather, written by Stephanie Har
For Kings, we are fingers with flight, we weather we are forever we are for everything.
Ten years again, we throw away the garbage collected in the corner of our warehouse,
the filthy gas in the decent basement is sour with lice-infestations.
ten years again, we bellow in the hollow of a tree because we can,
we fight the war of death, to the very silk of nature,
the churning, of what we do not fill,
what miserable waiting time for the airplane who declines into the vastness of the mirror,
the streets marked with pain, and the tormenting sound,
the wallowing and bent-over men of children,
old-fashioned, groom without a bride,
hair from heathens,
Wretched sinner,
Emboldened are the ones who find favor and pleasure with the king;
but where are we?
Twenty years ago, we left the states to see the son,
Without a trace, we left the silence behind me,
we ran until we saw wood,
we trampled into the flood,
we strangled our own neighbor,
we fought with such pursuit,
we also almost laid out our feeding dog,
Among the lads of the field, we saw one who was fair, enough to see the light of day,
the one who fought with light,
there was none beside him,
he who fought so valiantly,
we saw his might, his strength and will,
to the rise of the kingdom, we lowered our heads, with reverence we beheld light,
we did not see as we ought to bring his sacrifice, so we lifted his head with old grills,
in the hope that we would be also saved, from the mighty warrior enemy.
Behold, there was a vast kingdom from where we stood, not far from the place of light,
we held his fire like the watchmen waiting on the wall for the morning,
we let the sun take me into darkness for there I could see the morning better,
we could also see the monday dew, from where I was, there the rain stood, open, free, and pounding against my head, and my height was much lower,
There I was, with silent murmurings of voices, whispers of violent, raging seas ahead amid light,
and were not the congregation left blinded by the fright of eve,
for they did no harm.
Today, there are masters who lift their servants with light, the ones who serve faithfully with fight,
we are not mortal beings humanly, but light,
we do not exist on account of men, but on the very single reason that victories for us are won,
for the little sheep, help is no where but just here fervently sitting on like the fire of winning men,
we fervently wait with thanksgiving in heart, mind, and soul. We wait, not wander far.
We wait, we wait, we wander, far, but never to never return,
we well-off are fighting like fervent, life-like, fervent, versus fervent fire verses ourselves. We light like far weather,
into the forrest of inventions.
Who are we, to be givers of life?
Ten years again, we throw away the garbage collected in the corner of our warehouse,
the filthy gas in the decent basement is sour with lice-infestations.
ten years again, we bellow in the hollow of a tree because we can,
we fight the war of death, to the very silk of nature,
the churning, of what we do not fill,
what miserable waiting time for the airplane who declines into the vastness of the mirror,
the streets marked with pain, and the tormenting sound,
the wallowing and bent-over men of children,
old-fashioned, groom without a bride,
hair from heathens,
Wretched sinner,
Emboldened are the ones who find favor and pleasure with the king;
but where are we?
Twenty years ago, we left the states to see the son,
Without a trace, we left the silence behind me,
we ran until we saw wood,
we trampled into the flood,
we strangled our own neighbor,
we fought with such pursuit,
we also almost laid out our feeding dog,
Among the lads of the field, we saw one who was fair, enough to see the light of day,
the one who fought with light,
there was none beside him,
he who fought so valiantly,
we saw his might, his strength and will,
to the rise of the kingdom, we lowered our heads, with reverence we beheld light,
we did not see as we ought to bring his sacrifice, so we lifted his head with old grills,
in the hope that we would be also saved, from the mighty warrior enemy.
Behold, there was a vast kingdom from where we stood, not far from the place of light,
we held his fire like the watchmen waiting on the wall for the morning,
we let the sun take me into darkness for there I could see the morning better,
we could also see the monday dew, from where I was, there the rain stood, open, free, and pounding against my head, and my height was much lower,
There I was, with silent murmurings of voices, whispers of violent, raging seas ahead amid light,
and were not the congregation left blinded by the fright of eve,
for they did no harm.
Today, there are masters who lift their servants with light, the ones who serve faithfully with fight,
we are not mortal beings humanly, but light,
we do not exist on account of men, but on the very single reason that victories for us are won,
for the little sheep, help is no where but just here fervently sitting on like the fire of winning men,
we fervently wait with thanksgiving in heart, mind, and soul. We wait, not wander far.
We wait, we wait, we wander, far, but never to never return,
we well-off are fighting like fervent, life-like, fervent, versus fervent fire verses ourselves. We light like far weather,
into the forrest of inventions.
Who are we, to be givers of life?
Friday, September 28, 2012
Injustice
I still try. I still do my best even if I know I'm not first.
I run for the prize.
Perfect is not having my life in order. It's loving as Jesus did, even if that means w/ a broken heart.
And I'm sad and weak. At least I try to love. I try to gain strength. I try to run the race w/ all that I am.
I run for the prize.
Perfect is not having my life in order. It's loving as Jesus did, even if that means w/ a broken heart.
And I'm sad and weak. At least I try to love. I try to gain strength. I try to run the race w/ all that I am.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sharing Verses About Stewardship
This past Thursday, InterVarsity had large group: We learned about being wise with using TIME:
Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Academics Read Colossians 3:23, Ephesians 6:6, and Proverbs 16:13
Body Read Romans 12:1, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Rest Read Genesis 2:2-3, Exodus 20:8-10, Matthew 8:24
Fellowship Read John 15:12-15
God Read Luke 10:38-4
A relationship with God - knowing my King - is the best. Believe in Him, and not just know about His characteristics. When you reflect on your life, ask yourself if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior: Then ask yourself if you believe in the power of His death and resurrection, how He has cleansed your sins forever.
If not, take time to sit alone. Remove yourself from noise, people, and any distraction - TAKE AN HONEST LOOK AT YOURSELF.
What do you see? Who do you see? What is the condition of your heart? How is your mind reacting? Why is it acting this way? Why is it hard to sit still? Lift them up - LET GOD TAKE YOUR BURDENS.
Sit still - quiet your heart, and let the Holy Spirit speak to it! Rest assured that Jesus' life and death and resurrection is a real event in history and its power remains relevant to TODAY, your very life!
Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Academics Read Colossians 3:23, Ephesians 6:6, and Proverbs 16:13
Body Read Romans 12:1, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Rest Read Genesis 2:2-3, Exodus 20:8-10, Matthew 8:24
Fellowship Read John 15:12-15
God Read Luke 10:38-4
A relationship with God - knowing my King - is the best. Believe in Him, and not just know about His characteristics. When you reflect on your life, ask yourself if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior: Then ask yourself if you believe in the power of His death and resurrection, how He has cleansed your sins forever.
If not, take time to sit alone. Remove yourself from noise, people, and any distraction - TAKE AN HONEST LOOK AT YOURSELF.
What do you see? Who do you see? What is the condition of your heart? How is your mind reacting? Why is it acting this way? Why is it hard to sit still? Lift them up - LET GOD TAKE YOUR BURDENS.
Sit still - quiet your heart, and let the Holy Spirit speak to it! Rest assured that Jesus' life and death and resurrection is a real event in history and its power remains relevant to TODAY, your very life!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Of Course
Monday, September 3, 2012
Up Late for a Reason
First, I can't withhold good from another person.
Second, I've been cleaning, tidying, and organizing all day, but when it comes down to going to sleep, I must examine my heart.
This time, I'm pretty sure I want to disclose some things:
I renounced God (not the existence of Him, but His authority over my life) about a year ago, maybe two. I was bitter and angry at Him for keeping me His slave. At the time, I felt friendless, lonely, and both misunderstood and not understood.
Over the following weeks, that extended through months, I lived in darkness. It was not only terrifying, but also like fire, burning everything unnecessary until all that remained was God again. I felt God watching me from afar, but by His grace, He gradually brought me back into light.
There is no doubt in my mind that the things I went through in darkness completely drained me. Therefore, I became weak, tired all the time, and everything was all too much for me to micro-manage anymore.
Now, this very moment, I ask that if you are a brother or sister in Christ, that you would pray for me to surrender all I am to God, again, because I feel like there are areas in my heart that refuse to be vulnerable to God again, even though, I'm sure, God can see those parts. If those areas I refuse to give up are wounds, I ask that you can intercede so that God can heal me and make me strong, so that I can serve Him, again (I thank you, in advance, if you pray for me!).
Second, I've been cleaning, tidying, and organizing all day, but when it comes down to going to sleep, I must examine my heart.
This time, I'm pretty sure I want to disclose some things:
I renounced God (not the existence of Him, but His authority over my life) about a year ago, maybe two. I was bitter and angry at Him for keeping me His slave. At the time, I felt friendless, lonely, and both misunderstood and not understood.
Over the following weeks, that extended through months, I lived in darkness. It was not only terrifying, but also like fire, burning everything unnecessary until all that remained was God again. I felt God watching me from afar, but by His grace, He gradually brought me back into light.
There is no doubt in my mind that the things I went through in darkness completely drained me. Therefore, I became weak, tired all the time, and everything was all too much for me to micro-manage anymore.
Now, this very moment, I ask that if you are a brother or sister in Christ, that you would pray for me to surrender all I am to God, again, because I feel like there are areas in my heart that refuse to be vulnerable to God again, even though, I'm sure, God can see those parts. If those areas I refuse to give up are wounds, I ask that you can intercede so that God can heal me and make me strong, so that I can serve Him, again (I thank you, in advance, if you pray for me!).
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
O ^ O'
Hm, I have an urge to splurge, right now.
About how another semester at Rutgers is quickly, quickly, RAPIDLY approaching. On one hand, I'm excited; on the other, I am worried.
About how another semester at Rutgers is quickly, quickly, RAPIDLY approaching. On one hand, I'm excited; on the other, I am worried.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Unique - Like the Plants
My family went on a short road trip last week. We took a ferry to Delaware and drove up to Longwood Garden. There, God revealed His wonderful creations, all kinds of flowers, plants, and creatures. Comfort, by reassuring me that just like these vegetation humans are made individually special, was the first relief God gave me. As time progressed, throughout the entire family reunion in fact, I knew God was working in me to both redeem and restore me.
Many people likely wonder what happens to someone that makes them who they are. They notice a change in behavior, or a difference in ethics.
For me, my journey consists of constantly making sure I am honest with myself - if I am not, it will inevitably show, in others, in me, in my circumstances... One thing I have been wrestling with is this idea that Christians are one type, in that we must live by strict regulations, abide by certain laws, or continuously monitor ourselves for poor attitudes, behaviors, etc. As a kid I thought that I had to be someone I was not - I tried to modify my acts based on what I thought was good in my parents' eyes.
To a degree, their expectations for me to live with excellent morals was not bad, but I realized that trying to fit into an image was not only exhausting, but not right. It didn't feel good to separate myself from what I wanted to do, because I ended up not enjoying or living life the way God intends me to live.
Going through this process of thinking that being a rose is better than being a lily is something we can understand. Maybe because one gets more appreciation, or attention, than the other. Therefore, we assume that it is better, or higher. Walking through the Longwood Garden reassured in me that everything is made beautiful in His time, that we don't have to strive. We just have to be.
I see now how we are like flowers, as a growing woman. Right before my eyes, God adorns my heart, makes it strong, and makes it resilient. There is nothing to add, nothing to take away from - just be.
Many people likely wonder what happens to someone that makes them who they are. They notice a change in behavior, or a difference in ethics.
For me, my journey consists of constantly making sure I am honest with myself - if I am not, it will inevitably show, in others, in me, in my circumstances... One thing I have been wrestling with is this idea that Christians are one type, in that we must live by strict regulations, abide by certain laws, or continuously monitor ourselves for poor attitudes, behaviors, etc. As a kid I thought that I had to be someone I was not - I tried to modify my acts based on what I thought was good in my parents' eyes.
To a degree, their expectations for me to live with excellent morals was not bad, but I realized that trying to fit into an image was not only exhausting, but not right. It didn't feel good to separate myself from what I wanted to do, because I ended up not enjoying or living life the way God intends me to live.
Going through this process of thinking that being a rose is better than being a lily is something we can understand. Maybe because one gets more appreciation, or attention, than the other. Therefore, we assume that it is better, or higher. Walking through the Longwood Garden reassured in me that everything is made beautiful in His time, that we don't have to strive. We just have to be.
I see now how we are like flowers, as a growing woman. Right before my eyes, God adorns my heart, makes it strong, and makes it resilient. There is nothing to add, nothing to take away from - just be.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Morning is Sweet - written by Stephanie Har
Ripple tides come in:
crash of white, sparkling storm along the shore,
the sweet moving of my head to catch the rays,
neck as a dinosaur - who is he?
crash of white, sparkling storm along the shore,
the sweet moving of my head to catch the rays,
neck as a dinosaur - who is he?
Friday, August 10, 2012
Waking Up - written by Stephanie Har
Waking Up,
Sucking the poison out of my blood,
Arising... slowly,
My mission is complete,
the whole world can rest,
Let the lady twirl,
Sprinkle some water,
My veil brushes past my face,
And I look back,
Eyes wide open,
Yawning into a smile,
Feel the sun beam from you
Sucking the poison out of my blood,
Arising... slowly,
My mission is complete,
the whole world can rest,
Let the lady twirl,
Sprinkle some water,
My veil brushes past my face,
And I look back,
Eyes wide open,
Yawning into a smile,
Feel the sun beam from you
Monday, August 6, 2012
The Lullaby - written by Stephanie Har
the owl hoots at night,
it takes time to accept everything,
i throw my fist in the air,
and the sands hop on the gravel,
oil drips on the side of the vinyl,
raindrops in a clear puddle,
serene mountains and the smell of pine,
honeycomb twisted on the honeycomb stick,
a bag of skittles opened to bits of color,
i feel the plug of a cry,
sated are my senses,
dry and shriveled like a desert twig,
when i hear the sound of music,
my heart is stimulated,
but my face is drooping,
like the wax that is melting from the tip of a flame,
"help me," i say,
only musty, sweet, and tearful memories awake,
if i give you my heart,
can you never leave me,
a plastic piano with Starbursts,
coral lipsticks and a wrinkled white face,
giving a gift is better,
because its present fragrance is still pleasing,
how lovely are the quiet things,
in life, they move gracefully and majestically,
like a beautiful woman,
mesmerizing, captivating, and breathtaking,
her treasures are more valuable than pearls,
she is a crown,
the black crow cannot break through her forcefield,
for in the grey sky is a rainbow,
let the leaves come and go,
let the colors of my heart be radiant,
a magnet for the pollens,
the dandy and the light-hearted
it takes time to accept everything,
i throw my fist in the air,
and the sands hop on the gravel,
oil drips on the side of the vinyl,
raindrops in a clear puddle,
serene mountains and the smell of pine,
honeycomb twisted on the honeycomb stick,
a bag of skittles opened to bits of color,
i feel the plug of a cry,
sated are my senses,
dry and shriveled like a desert twig,
when i hear the sound of music,
my heart is stimulated,
but my face is drooping,
like the wax that is melting from the tip of a flame,
"help me," i say,
only musty, sweet, and tearful memories awake,
if i give you my heart,
can you never leave me,
a plastic piano with Starbursts,
coral lipsticks and a wrinkled white face,
giving a gift is better,
because its present fragrance is still pleasing,
how lovely are the quiet things,
in life, they move gracefully and majestically,
like a beautiful woman,
mesmerizing, captivating, and breathtaking,
her treasures are more valuable than pearls,
she is a crown,
the black crow cannot break through her forcefield,
for in the grey sky is a rainbow,
let the leaves come and go,
let the colors of my heart be radiant,
a magnet for the pollens,
the dandy and the light-hearted
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Testimony
Holding onto God is probably the best things I've done so far, aside from the fact that God's holding onto me far more securely. That's probably my testimony in a nutshell.
Basically, we all wander from the truth and we get enticed by things that seem promising to fulfill our curiosity. In the end, we pay the price, we suffer through some pretty painful times that always reveals God as the only way, the only truth, and the only life.
Basically, we all wander from the truth and we get enticed by things that seem promising to fulfill our curiosity. In the end, we pay the price, we suffer through some pretty painful times that always reveals God as the only way, the only truth, and the only life.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
God's mercy and forgiveness
There's nothing that beats the sweet-as-honey welcome home as God's open arms that have been waiting for you to come back. Scenery is fresh, white cotton-plants abundant across the field wavering by the gentle breeze.
Back and forth, swaying like the motion in our body when we become mesmerized by God's beauty. Not only that, but we are soothed by the strong, protective arms of our Father, who will never forsake us. Nothing beats the refresh of rest when we breathe deeply without a care in the world, because we are lying on the ground, eyes closed, at the feet of our Father who handles all things when we are too weak to rise. He cares, and He loves us. We are blessed to know God's mercy and forgiveness; without them, we are not free to love, heal, and give.
Back and forth, swaying like the motion in our body when we become mesmerized by God's beauty. Not only that, but we are soothed by the strong, protective arms of our Father, who will never forsake us. Nothing beats the refresh of rest when we breathe deeply without a care in the world, because we are lying on the ground, eyes closed, at the feet of our Father who handles all things when we are too weak to rise. He cares, and He loves us. We are blessed to know God's mercy and forgiveness; without them, we are not free to love, heal, and give.
Friday, May 18, 2012
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