The Pearl

Time is not my enemy,

In fact, time is my beauty,

Every sunrise beckons me to unravel yet another layer of myself,

To emerge from under the sut of my deadly mind,

I once heard that our body has a tale to tell,

But every time I gleam in joy, my blemishes fade away,

And time is my healer, my restorer,

With hope that extends to every part of my body,

I am awakened to another glorious day that has its plans for me,

For the sun to uplift my soul, for the shadows to cool me into refreshment,

And for this sweet melody of our very own creation to enchant me,

I am away, blown into the presence of pure beauty and bliss,

Let my spirit always breathe in this way,

Vibrating in harmony with the air,

Under a tree feeling the soft grass bed,

My fears bland in comparison, my anger, bitterness disintegrating until all that is left is a wash of pearly white,

Enveloped in serenity,

I wake and wake and wake and still find myself in nothing but joy,

Peace,

Let this be a place I go to when sometimes darkness casts itself upon me,

May I possess that pearl and never let go.

I love you Dad, I love you Mom, I love you goo, I love you tsa, for all the times we shared together. For the immense joy you guys brought into my life - for the Joy that you Are. Thank you for movie nights with popcorn or beef jerky. Thank you tsa for allowing us to Pledge our counters until we could slide on them. Thank you goo for being my role model, for always keeping your integrity. Thank you disciplining me, for fighting with me when I couldn't see what you saw. Thank you for the most beautiful home ever, with wooden and marble floors that always bring the best out of each season. Thank you for driving me to school when I missed the bus, for spending late nights in the office doing work. Thank you for loving me for all that I am.

completely touched by Spirited Away

Boy oh Boy is the weather getting hot. While I'm always in search of water, I love being out in the open in the most literal and figurative way. For one, I enjoy wearing a lighter wardrobe. For two, I enjoy greeting people in the sun.

It's been a while since I last blogged, but here's the quick update. Lately, I've been having a lot of mood swings only because when I'm down I remember that I can choose to be up, but only if I have enough strength to be up and keep it up. Why have I been down? For a couple of reasons. Sometimes I feel the loneliness of having to grow up and out. You can say it's a community experience, but ultimately, it comes down to you and you alone. I realized that the day you cry is the day you break through another barrier of stepping further and further into the real world. I imagine an invisible covering over my body that every time I do cry, it peels away (much like a corn-on-the-cob or a rose bud). It's scary growing up. Few days go by without a flash of what the future will look like when it's all up to me. It's scarier that way because in that moment, time seems to condense itself and your heart just goes absent on you.

Days I do get down are also when I cease to speak up. If the people I want to become friends with talk about something I'm not interested in or do things that don't excite me, I feel apart, afloat, dead, different. It feels worse when I have a lump in my throat and anything I do want to say gets shoved back down to where it came from and I end up feeling like a wimp - too afraid to be judged. Days when I do speak up are days when I also doubt my consideration for others. So as you can see, it is an inner struggle to find where I best function freely without hurting the people around me.

2 Things I've been working on this month:

1) Saying 'Hi' to the people I know so that they don't go unnoticed.

2) Keeping my back straight so I look and feel livelier.

Bout' 4 weeks left of school! Two things most often imagined when thinking about the end of school: 1) The day my parents come pick me up and help me move out, 2) Sitting in the back seat and chillaxing on a vacay road trip!